For those who have never been to sea, a U.S. Navy simulator for your home !

Yes it's a bit of O.T. and not about Crestwood, but it's for all the "old salts" who have served, or will serve in the future who live right here in Crestwood !

And for the more curious among you I am the "Clark Gable" look-a-like on the right hand side of the photo on liberty in Yokosuka, japan. We were just coming off 45 days on "Dixie Station" (off the southern coast of Viet Nam, and due to head back to "Yankee Station" (off the coast of North Viet Nam in a couple of days.

Time flies, no ?

Tom Ford NO. 752


How to Simulate Being in the Navy

1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for
six months.

(1a. Submarines - Black outside Pea Green inside)

2. Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.

3. Repaint your entire house every month.

4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of the
bathtub and move the shower head to chest level. When you take
showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.

5. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.

6. Once a week, blow air up your chimney, with a leaf blower and let
the wind carry the soot onto your neighbor's house. Ignore his
complaints.

7. Once a month, take all major appliances apart and reassemble
them.

8. Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back
doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass
through them.

9. Disassemble and inspect your lawn mower every week.

10. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater
temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the
water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use
too much water, so no bathing will be allowed.

11. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't
turn over without getting out and then getting back in.

12. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with
a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours
after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say
"Sorry, wrong rack."

13. Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house
- dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc. Re-qualify every 6
months.

14. Have your neighbor come over each day at 0500 , blow a whistle
so loud Helen Keller could hear it, and shout "Reveille, reveille,
all hands heave out and trice up."

15. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do
the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at
0600 while she reads it to you.

16. Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting
permission to leave your house before 1500....... In triplicate.

17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway
three times a day, whether it needs it or not. "Now sweepers,
sweepers, man your brooms, give the ship a clean sweep down fore and
aft, empty all **** cans and butt kits!"

18. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your
magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering the
rest.

19. Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night.
Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different
one-- the same one every night.

20. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a
megaphone shouting "Now general quarters, general quarters! All
hands man your battle stations!

21. Make your family's menu a week ahead of time without consulting
the pantry or refrigerator.

22. Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they
are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an
hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of
steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs.Repeat daily until
they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.

23. Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes
unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.

24. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and
jelly sandwich on stale bread. (mid rats)

25. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. At
the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to
button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks.
Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose and put out a
simulated fire..

26. Every week or so, throw your cat or dog into the pool and shout
"Man overboard, port side!" Rate your family members on how fast
they respond.

27. Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug
them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in
front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup, "Stove manned and
ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup again "Stove
secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a
shoe box.

28. Make your family turn out all the lights and go to bed at 10
p.m. "Now taps, taps! Lights out! Maintain silence throughout the
ship!" Then immediately have an 18-wheeler crash into your house.
(For aircraft carrier sailors.)

29. Build a fire in a trash can in your garage. Loudly announce to
your family, "This is a drill, this is a drill! Fire in hangar bay
one!"

30. Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family
stand in front of the podium for 4-hour intervals.
(Best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.)

31. Next time there's a bad thunderstorm in your area, find the
biggest horse you can, put a two-inch mattress on his back, strap
yourself to it and turn him loose in a barn for six hours. Then get
up and go to work.

32. For former engineers: bring your lawn mower into the living
room, and run it all day long.

33. Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee
grounds per pot, and let the pot simmer for 5 hours before drinking.

34. Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep
shears.

35. Sew the back pockets of your jeans onto the front.

36. Add 1/3 cup of diesel fuel to the laundry.

37. Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters.

38. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go to
the scummiest part of town. Find the most run down, trashiest bar,
and drink beer until you are hammered. Then walk all the way home.

39. Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell
them that at the end of the 6th week you'll take them to Disney
World for liberty. At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip
to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for
an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the
house."

Oh, how I miss those days..!!!

"King Roy" breaks the tie on animal control (click here for the Call story.)

That's right folks we can't afford to fix a street in Crestwood, nor can we afford to give employees a raise or keep qualified Police and Fire, but we can afford a $135,000.00 addition to the 2010 budget in the form of "animal control !"

The Call story has "His Honors" exact wording when he stuck us with this ridiculous expenditure, but I am wondering if at some point he said, "Let them eat cake !" We are truly in the "Kingdom of Roy" here in Crestwood !

Folks you really can't make this up can you ? The wasteful spending in this "Fiefdom" is further out of sight than Apollo 13, and there is no chance to rein it in as long as "His Honor" controls the "Tax and spend four" on the Board ! To think Goldman Sachs is in trouble on a National scale amazes me as we seem to have the "sell short" mentality right here in little old Crestwood !

Well I keep saying that "election's have consequences" and this last one was a doozie !

Tom Ford

NO. 751

In response to those who feel put upon by my criticism of the Crestwood Regime ! (click here.)

I have used a video of the darling of the "progressive / liberal wing of a major party to ask you what's wrong with that ? If you remember, this was said in 2003 and I assume nothing has changed since then right ? (Ha)

May I please point out to you that decention on any form is a very patriotic thing to do, if it weren't why would Mrs. Clinton say it was ?

All that said since "All politics is local" (Tip Oneal) I invite you to click on the header and then tell me (and her) were both wrong ! Because if we ever decent into the communist / socialist party ideals we are finished as both a Nation and a free people !

This Blog is here for EVERYONE to post their comments, beliefs, wants and needs as well as my comments. You will notice that I do not remove anonymous posts that attempt to insult me, nor will I unless they are profane. However I do find it humorous when someone calls me an IDIOT to be followed by someone saying I should not post negative remarks about our Board ! Sorry, they will continue if and when needed, so if you choose to stay, thank you, if not, well thank you also.

Please click on the header to be directed to the Video !

Tom Ford

NO. 750

The BOA meeting of 4/13/2010. or why you can't trust our leadership !

The BOA meeting last night left me very sad. Not because the Alderman voted to continue Animal Control. but because I lost what I considered to be a friend at that meeting !

Sad but true folk's, I placed my trust in a person who I thought was a man with character above reproach, a man I could count on to tell me the TRUTH ! Alas my trust was dashed by that very man last night when he voted to keep animal control ! I said in an earlier post that this same man told me animal control would be gone by December 31, 2009 ! Well Alderman Foote, I guess the volunteers got to you with the votes needed for you to win over Mr. Nieder, and you decided to meant more to you than telling a friend the truth ! So be it.

Of the four that voted to keep animal control we can excuse Alderwoman Beasley ("a catalyst for change," remember ?) as she can be counted on to vote whichever way Alderman Foote votes ((a really empty seat there.) And we know that Alderman Pickel is in lock step with "His Honor, so we expected that vote, right ?

Now we come to the eloquence of Alderwoman Mimi Duncan WHO spent some time saying that St. Louis County animal control was worthless ! Ms. Duncan, has it ever occurred to you that Ms. Sutton is only there 40 hours per week ? Now for your math test, who is there the other 128 hours per week ? Hint, St. Louis County animal control, or our Police Department ! Madam, in the future may I suggest you make sure your brain is engaged before you put your mouth in gear !

Now who would be left to do the right thing and save some money for Crestwood ? Yep, "His Honor !" Did he do the right thing ? well in his mind he did (get the 600 votes for next year,) but in reality, he voted to keep animal control (imagine that !!) So now we will be spending a ridiculous amount of OUR money on an "animal adoption" club because five people with nothing but their own interests at heart have sold us down the river !

Please do not complain to Mr. Jim Eckrich or the other four Board members who did the right thing when pot holes appear on your street ! Just say thanks to the five self centered Alderman who voted to get Ms. Sutton a new SUV rather than fix your street ! I know you will understand !

OH, buy the way, you can forget ANY TAX INCREASES IN CRESTWOOD until these so called leaders are out of office !

Tom Ford

NO. 749

Mike Anthony of the CALL hit's a home run with this one (click Here.)

Once again we See "His Honor" shout down one of OUR ELECTED Alderman in cahoot's with his world class weather vain Mr. Chris Pickel ! Alderman Wallach had the floor, Alderman Pickel jumped in and started talking in total violation of ROBERT'S RULES OF ORDER, and "His Honor' naturally backed him (Pickel.)

Enter Alderman Duchild who pointed out rather nicely (point of order) that Mr. Piclel did not have the floor and was immediately attacked by "His Honor !" According to King Roy he saw nothing wrong with the order at all ! Humm, makes you wonder what color the sky is in his world that he could have even considered saying that .

Someone posted earlier that our "leaders" all have advanced degrees, and that's what they wanted, so they would vote for Alderman Foote. At this point I am wondering if all those "advanced degrees" came together in a sort of harmonic convergence to create perfect imbecility ? If that be the case then I must say my Father was right all along when he said, "You would have to go to school to get that stupid, you couldn't do that by yourself !"

Mr. Anthony is right on target here, we have the Aldermen (Schlink, Wallach, Duchild and Miguel) who wish to do it right and then we have the remainder including "His Honor" who for what ever reason adhere to the spoken word of "His Honor" as if he were the second coming, why is that ?

Kid's, you were ALL elected to do the will of the people, (you know, "we the people") and not the Kings bidding, get it ?

Oh, and in closing if that's a show of "advanced degrees," I will take my 104 degree fever any day, at least when it broke I became lucid again !


Tom Ford

NO. 748

The agenda for April 13, 2010 is now posted ( click here.)

Now that the dust and debris have settled from the hard fought Ward four election, and we have a victor in Mr. John Foote it is time to return to the business of the City.

"The silly season" (elections) are over and we are still in the same poor financial condition we were in prior to the election. Now what could the Aldermen do to show the citizenry the good faith they expect from our elected officials ?

Well, I for one would recommend cut's where they can be made, and one of them that stands out like a sore thumb is Animal Control ! The 2010 budget has at least $130,000.00 in it for renovations, salary, and a vehicle for the Animal Control officer !

That's right a lot of our tax money for a DUPLICATE SERVICE that we really do not need as evidenced by the fact that while Ms. Sutton was Ill there were NO reported attacks by Feral cat's, wild animal's, or Wildebeest's in Crestwood !

In an email to Alderman Foote in November, 2009 I asked him directly what could be done to reduce this cost, and he told me that Animal Control would be gone by the end of December. 2009. Well so far that hasn't happened due to committee meetings, postponing the decision till after the election (how convenient Mr. Pickel) and the usual lame excuses produced when they don't want to answer a question.

Well Mr. Foote, I congratulate you on your victory Sir, and this (April 13, 2010) will be a perfect chance for you to show your leadership by voting to remove (as you said you would) this DUPLICATION of County services so those funds can be put to much better use right here in Crestwood !

I eagerly anticipate your vote on this April 13, 2010.

Tom Ford

NO. 747

A very interesting remark was made under the "League of Women Voter's" post below.

A blogger has raised the question of Candidate Nieder's attendance record. A very fair question indeed, but one that bares a bit of scrutiny. Both Mr. Nieder and Mr. Foote have been absent from the BOA meetings during their terms, but both for completely different reasons.

Mr. Nieder's absence has no doubt been un-avoidable due to his job. Mr. Foote's absence has been due to Medical issues he has suffered. I fully understand his (Mr. Foote's) absence, as well as Mr. Nieder's.

Now, that said I have a very legitimate concern (even though I am in ward two,) and that is, will Mr. Foote be able to serve out the term he is seeking ? You see, I consider Mr. Foote a friend, as I do Mr. Nieder, but will this be a case of Mr. Foote (for medical reasons) not be able to complete his full term as Alderman from ward four ?

In case you don't know what would happen, if Mr. Foote were to have to resign, Mayor Roy Robinson will be within his powers to "appoint" Mr. Foote's replacement ! And replace him he will (with a "ringer" who will do his bidding.)

Those of you who follow Crestwood Politics have read the reports of the Mayor shouting down citizens and Alderman, know as well as I do that this will be a full blown disaster for Crestwood ! I ask you do we need the "Kingdom Of Roy" assisted by a "Roy Boy," or will you do the right thing, and insure that cannot happen ?

Ward Four, the choice is yours on April 6,2010, will you vote for "tax and spend," or will you vote for "Fiscal Responsibility ?

Tom Ford

NO. 746