My "living will form", or time to lighten up a bit!
You all should now have a copy in case you need it for me. Please feel free to execute it upon my need.
Tom Ford
This is my Living Will.
Form submitted fo those desiring.
I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
Nor in the hands of lawyers/doctors who are interested simply in running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Bloody Mary,
Beer,
Margarita,
Scotch and soda,
Martini,
Vodka and Tonic,
steak, lobster or crab legs,
the remote control,
bowl of ice cream,
chocolate, coca cola
or sex
it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and
call it a day.
At this point, it is time to call a New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had. "Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler" or "Let the Good Times Roll"...
Signature: ___________________________
Date: ___________________________
Attest:_______________________________
Added Note: I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors.
I think the dying words of the Duke's uncle would be very appropriate here!!!
No. 197
Tom Ford
This is my Living Will.
Form submitted fo those desiring.
I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
Nor in the hands of lawyers/doctors who are interested simply in running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Bloody Mary,
Beer,
Margarita,
Scotch and soda,
Martini,
Vodka and Tonic,
steak, lobster or crab legs,
the remote control,
bowl of ice cream,
chocolate, coca cola
or sex
it should be presumed that I won't ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and
call it a day.
At this point, it is time to call a New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had. "Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler" or "Let the Good Times Roll"...
Signature: ___________________________
Date: ___________________________
Attest:_______________________________
Added Note: I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors.
I think the dying words of the Duke's uncle would be very appropriate here!!!
No. 197
posted by Crestwood Independent at 16:22
5 Comments:
OK, what about this?
If Men Ruled the World
1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.”
3. Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.
4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.
6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
7. “Sorry I’m late, but I got really wasted last night” would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you’d jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
9. It’d be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: “You know how fast you were going?” You: “All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.” Cop: “Nice one. That’s $10 off.”
11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
12. Garbage would take itself out.
13. Instead of beer belly, you’d get “beer biceps.”
14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, “You’re #1!”
15. Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking. Mother’s Day, too.
18. St. Patrick’s Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
19. “COPS” would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.
20. The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be “Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle”.
21. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell like whiskey and beer.
22. Women would have to obtain a license before wearing spandex or short shorts (sorta like conceal carry laws).
23. Women suffering from PMS would be required to wear a burka.
24. Gun racks would be standard on all American cars.
25. There would be a device that automatically raised and lowered toilet seats.
Tom Ford
I can't believe you are making fun of living wills. Wonder if you will think it is so funny if one of your family members is at death's door.
To the 10:00 Am blogger, why yes, I am making fun of "living wills", and yes members of my family have been at "death's door" and beyond!
It's a good bet that you and I will join them at some time, so lighten up, and enjoy life while you can, in case you haven't noticed, it's short!
Do you really believe we should all be so somber all the time? If you do, and you profess to be a believer in God, I would re-examine your faith.
In my family a death is a cellebration of the persons life, when my Father passed last summer, we held an old fashioned Irish wake for him. That started on Saturday, and he was interned on Sunday (fathers day.)
No "long faces", just a rememberence of a man who stayed married for 74 years, worked hard all his life, and has decendent's to cary on the family name! God willing, I shall have the same sort of "send-off", as I can think of no better!
"Home is the sailor, home from the sea, and the hunter from the hill"
Do I miss him, you bet I do, but at the same time I know that he did his job here, and he is now in a much better place!
Tom Ford
Thought for the day:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, cigar in hand, favorite beverage in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming, "WOO HOO, what a ride!"
Tom Ford
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, “I’m sorry but you scared the daylights out of me.”
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn’t realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, “No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. For the last 25 years I’ve been driving a hearse.”
From Dale's blog! Good one, no?
Tom Ford
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