How the Government really works!
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Arkansas when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out t he window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?'
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech Miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'
'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government', says Bud.
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me
you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. .
Now give me back my dog.
Tom Ford NO. 506
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out t he window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?'
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech Miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.'
'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government', says Bud.
'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me
you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. .
Now give me back my dog.
Tom Ford NO. 506
posted by Crestwood Independent at 20:12
9 Comments:
Good one!!!
Have you driven by to see the new dumpster yet? Send one of your "cub reporters" by if you have not fired them yet.
Hey, don't dump on us about the new dumpster!
sorry ...
Psssst...hey Tom (whispering).....the pool got there own dumpster months ago.... Are you as pissed off about that as I am? This sucks (still wispering)....What are we gonna do?......Lets get the rest of the cubs together and have a meeting....We'll do it at city hall in th BOA chambers....oh wait..I guess you won't come then.....never mind....
Well now that you mention it, no I did not go to see the "new Dumpster" I would however like to congratulate you on getting one though!
Let's see, you opened in 2002, or was it 2003 with a FIRM promise to comply with the CUP granted you by the board to have one in place!
Hey, you only took five or six years to get one though! I must have been agonizing for the "dump committee" to choose just the right color, the right lid, the right placement, no?
I know all of Crestwood must be thrilled for you. Maybe you could have an "open dumpster night," sort of like an open house, only better!
In closing, one again I am extremely happy for you all, and may I once again congratulate you on the speed of your selection!
Tom Ford
Once again showing your ignorance. If you had contacted the city regarding the trash dumpster, you would know the true instead of trying to stir up the pot!!!!
OK Let's all stop about the swim club now. The swim club is still there, the dumpster is there and let us all close that subject. It's ridiculous to keep dragging it on. Let's just try and be good neighbors and let us stop with the inunendos and ghosts of the past.
The swim club is now a moot point; it is there and it ain't going anywhere else; so let's accept it and go forward.
4:06 PM blogger: Your right on the money here, we have much bigger fish to fry!
No more swim club posts as I will delete any and all of them.
Tom Ford
How the left and the New York Times work!
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into
the lion's cage.
Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to
pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion
square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain
the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her
to her terrified Parents, who thank him endlessly.
A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter
addressing the biker says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave
thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind
bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm
a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper
will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a
living and what political affiliation do you have?'"
The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it
indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page:
"REPUBLICAN U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH"
Tom Ford
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